an open letter to bigfoot…
Dear Mr. Foot,
I would like to start out by saying I have been a big fan of yours from a very early age. Your blurry photos have always inspired me with a sense of awe unmatched by any fucking goat-sucking chupafucka, or some gay ass MOTHman. Not to mention that shitty loch ness “monster” (it’s probably just a sturgeon anyway).
You have always by far been the most plausible in the rogues gallery of Cryptozoology. That being said, I must express my dismay at your continued reclusivety. I wish you would come out and prove your existence to the world at large. Don’t get me wrong. I have no doubt in my mind that you are flesh and blood. I can also appreciate your desire to maintain your privacy (we’re all saddened by the perils of Brittney Spears).
The main problem with your shy retiring ways, is the whole field of retards your myth has spawned. The so called “experts” leading the crusade to prove your existence are laughable to say the least. I feel they put a taint on your name unseen since the disgusting slander of the New Jersey Devil.
For this reason, i ask that you please come forward and make yourself public. I suggest you use the reputable Montell Williams show for your coming out appearance. That man sweats integrity, and will give you the respect you deserve.
I think you should do thins before the spring, when i know your time will be monopolized by your extensive work with the aliens, and the lizard people commonly known as the British royal family.
With admiration,
TiM
4 years ago • Notes